A Happy Update for December.
Hello my lovely friends, I thought I owed you another Happy update, as now we are in December!…once again I have been away for a while…I have wanted to write this blog but just couldn’t find the words, so here I am, two weeks before Christmas (where does the time go!) a lot of bad things have happened and I hadn’t really wanted to tell you, because so many of you have been fighting you’re own battles in life, but I thought I probably owed you an explanation…so here goes…
I have been looking after my Mum ever since she moved over in 2017 and the more she needed me, the more I went over there to look after her! things weren’t to good at home, so it suited me to do that…I also got help from Rosie too, But this year took a toll and Rosie’s health got worse and she was not able to help me with Mum anymore…My depression was at an all time low at this point!
To cut a long story short I had a mental breakdown! I couldn’t function in the way I used to, I was not interested in anything, all I wanted to do was sleep, I didn’t care what I looked like, what the house looked like…I had fallen down a BIG hole and I couldn’t be bothered to get out of it! Carers had to be appointed for my mum whilst I tried to get myself back to some sort of normality.
Gradually things changed at home, Freddy and I started going out together more…things were getting easier for me! I was actually starting to enjoy my life again! I wanted to go out and look for cute collectibles…trawl charity shops, drive down to the coast and eat fish and chips in newspaper! I started to get ideas in my head again, I knew I was getting better, spending more time with my Freddy was the best medicine for me, he is my soulmate I have always known that, its just sometimes things get in the way don’t they and we don’t focus on what we really need!
Freddie had a cardiac arrest! his heart rate was beating so fast and they couldn’t understand why! he was shocked quite a few times at Medway Hospital before they decided to rush him (blues and two’s) to St Tomas’s Hospital in London, I can’t really tell you what I was feeling at this time, it all felt like a dream…it just couldn’t be real, please let it not be real! We are so happy right now…
Freddie spent a month in St Tomas’s hospital, eleven of those days were in intensive care. they had to put him in an induced coma to keep his heart rate stable…they worked miracles in there…but they did say to us that we could loose him at any time. My heart was broken, please not my Freddie! It made me think of all the heartbreak that people had gone through, losing their loved ones through the Covid19 pandemic and now it was probably my turn…my heart was breaking every minute of the day, I was so lucky to have my families support. My Mum (bless her) although she couldn’t do much was always there for me at the end of the phone, and Freddie’s parents were so lovely to me, we clung together and they kept me sane. Rosie was with me most of the time, travelling to London and staying at a hotel nearby, she was my Rock! My Son Daz was at the end of the phone any time I needed him…I was supported totally by my nearest and dearest.
Then a miracle did happen!
The Doctors realised after many tests that Freddie had Sarcoid and was able to control his irregular heartbeat with drugs. He has had a defibrillator fitted to his heart and has been home nearly a month, he won’t be able to drive for 6 months, so I have taken over that job! I am so grateful to all the Doctors and Nurses at St Tomas’s, they have saved his life…not many people that go through what he has been through survive this!
So you can see why I haven’t been around…
I feel like this year I have been to hell and back again, but rather than look on the dark side of things, I have to be grateful, grateful that we have survived all this and so blooming grateful that Freddie has survived and we can be together again. Some people haven’t been so lucky and my heart goes out to them, I know that empty lost feeling, it hurts so bad.
So I’ll end my post here, just letting you know, that we are Okay and hopefully I’ll be able to bring you some uplifting posts in the future and hopefully not too far apart 🙂 We have decorated for Christmas, so I’ll have to get my act together and bring you pictures from this years displays, looking forward to it xx
Love to you all x