wait ten minutes...beep!
wait five minutes....beep!
wait two minutes ....beep!
wait one minute....beep!
This is how the torture began....
The upstairs landing smoke alarm, outside our bedroom has a depleted battery!
well not completely dead as the bloody thing beeps like a budgie on crack!
At first we ignored it and then 'emergency chair' was brought forth and we sprang into action,
I held her legs as I can't climb!
she couldn't twist cover off alarm!
....emergency kitchen knife was summoned!
placed into side of alarm,
cracked alarm case, still cover won't move!
emergency spatula was now summoned and inserted in between ceiling and alarm,
whole alarm now off, hanging by wire!
artex everywhere!
Problem sorted!
Slowly creep back to bed!
Lie down...drifting off!.....
Then 'BEEP'! 
Get up...
Dog barks at beep, dog kicked up the arse!
still beep goes alarm....

Blood pressure now rising, wine needed!
can't get wine as chair is blocking landing!
Take alarm in hand and hit with heel of stiletto shoe!,
heel falls off shoe and alarm....beeps!
Manage too wedge side open to see battery,
smash on wall to free battery!.
feeling smug as battery is now removed....Phew!

All back to bed.
3am alarm beeps
Dog barks from bathroom and flings himself at door to protect us,
I pull alarm completely away from ceiling and throw into garden from first floor window,
will call electrician later today, need sleep!

Written by Freddy Harris 2011
Copyright 2011 - 2014



  1. It's always lovely when dog barking accompanies smoke alarm! And do they ever warn us at a decent hour of the day!? Not in my world!

  2. Very cute Happy..Tell Freddy thanks for the laughs!!

  3. I feel your pain LOL

    Some years ago, I woke up to the sound of the smoke alarm on our landing quietly beeping away to itself, so replaced the battery. When hubby came home from work, I told him about my exciting day including said battery replacement. He turned to me and said that he had heard it beeping but couldn't make out where the noise was coming from, so decided not to say anything as he thought he must be hearing things!


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